Patapon 3: Love-hate relationship. Especially hate.

I’m getting nervous just by thinking about this. I’me completely obsessed.

Background: I’m a super fan of Patapon. I loved the first one and drove me mad. I played more than 40 hours and got in love with each every minigame and little creatures that danced to my buttoning.

I marked in my calendar the 17th April as a magic date, although I waited a bit to make sure the European version was available to be download. In fact I waited a bit more because the moment was too important and I was too busy, with Easter and blah blah.

Well, the moment comes, I install it (the game can’t find my gamesave from Patapon 2… OK, fine), and at the beginning everything was right. After an hour, I started to realize that everything in my mental fantasy was falling down. I thought it would get better after a while pero it didn’t. IT HAS GONE WORSE. And I’m VERY ANGRY. Angry at Sony and everyone who has written a review online because EVERYONE LOVES IT

Well, I’m writing A BAD REVIEW. I will stand for those disappointed gamers that haven’t dared to open their mouths because they’re too scared. I will be the voice of the people. Sorry about the caps but if this would be spoken you would hear me SHOUT.

First and foremost, WHERE ARE THE MINIGAMES?! Please don’t tell me you have listened to those casual tough guys who just want to clear levels and DON’T UNDERSTAND the patapon universe and don’t know what it is to forge your own weapon with your own materiales and make your stews with a chef that cuts carrots… *cry*

I’ve read online that now the minigames “have changed” and now they are races, battles, etc. THOSE ARE NOT MINIGAMES, they’re just different maps that, although welcome, THEY ARE JUST THE SAME GAME of that in the career and, besides, THEY ARE SUPER HARD TO CLEAR. That leads me to another point.

WHY DO I DIE CONSTANTLY? Now it seems that instead of an army you just have four heroes, one for each class and yourself. OK, that is not so funny as changing all the little helmets and shields, but is OK. Well, when the shield class dies, Hatapon or the flag-man becomes vulnerable and dies at once, and when he dies the level is over. WRONG.

Since there aren’t minigames, all the materiales (except meat, you can’t hunt anymore because that would be too boring for tough guys) are just exchangable items like coins, bye bye to the wonderful feeling of getting a good rock from the mountain or a blue-eyed log from the tree that sings bon bonn bonnn ¬¬

And since there are no minigames, the only way to improve your army and level up is completing the same maps again and again until you are bored to death. I guess they suppose people are suddenly SUPER GOOD players and they won’t have to repeat maps or anything because they will master the game. Look, I’m good, but when you have to play for 20 minutes or more WITHOUT MAKING A MISTAKE or losing fever you feel like throwing the psp out of the windows and start playing with the DS. (About videogames difficulty I will talk in another post, I don’t feel strong enough to go on writing in caps.)

The worst part is that I can’t stop playing because… even if it’s only the tenth part of what it used to be… it was something so big… the patapon… I have to keep on playing… I’ll play 100 times the same stage until I am level 40 and I could kill bosses with just an arrow… But I'll keep on playing… :(

L.A. NOIRE

L.A. Noire. The game we were waiting for, the three-disc game, the great white hope.

It has not disappointed me at all, it is exactly what I expected for. A game set in the forties where you try to solve cases by finding clues and getting information out of suspects. YAY!!

For this purpose, it is very important to know if the questioned person is lying or telling the truth, and that’s why a face recognition technology has been developed. This is the biggest highlight of the game: they REAL. Besides, many characters are based on real actors, some of them famous, so you will recognize them for the series they have been on or because they are usual supporting actors. And this is precisely why characterization is very commendable, as you can immediately identify them.

We all recognize him. Isn't him TOO REAL?

On the other side, the story is very good, including some stuff from 2^nd World War and interesting characters. Maybe not interesting enough, but this is something one has to judge for himself…

Regarding game play, seeing those super-real faces lying is undoubtedly the most interesting feature. It should be pointed out that if you don't collect all evidence you can fail a questioning, despite recognizing someone is line, as you may not have the piece of evidence required to accuse him or her of lying.

The trouble is that the game is a bit limited to just that –finding evidences and questioning. It is true that there are a lot of car chasings and shootings, but at the end it all becomes a bit mechanical. It would be cool to have more pursuit and stealth levels, or even photo making...

Instead, they have decided to include some tiny minigames; some skill stuff that obviously makes it more interest, but they are too small and infrequent. I would also want it to be more puzzling - I didn't have the feeling of "getting stuck". On the contrary, there was always something to do.

But still, these are only details that shouldn‘t be weighty in this review. Because, in return, there are a lot of good things I didn’t even mentioned: the setting, the music, the cars, the shop windows, the clothing… Driving the 40s Hollywood in your Cadillac listening to Peggy Lee is pleasant enough.

How splendid is to think that, after the success of this game that is not a shooter, neither a sport, car or RPG game, companies will figure out that adventure and puzzles might not have stuck in the nineties.

Why Fable III is so bad?

Note the question mark on the title. This entry is not (only) a short review about the many flaws of Fable III, but also a sort of lament.

At this stage, many would say: “What did you expect? It’s Molyneux”, “Fable II was also pretty bad”, “Why don’t you play Oblivion and stop wasting your time?” etc.

I know, I know. But I liked Fable II a lot. It wasn’t perfect, but I put a lot of hours in it and tried to get all the achievements I could. Maybe it wasn’t very challenging, but it was FUN. I spent hours playing pub games, looking for gargoyles, having children and interacting with people.

With this last paraph you should have noted what I miss in Fable III… Fun. If a game is not funny, then I forget about it. In fact, there are a lot of complex and interesting games that people love, but I find it BORING. Maybe because they are too hard for me, but when a game is really fun, you get to be better and better only because you can’t stop playing.

Good-looking man from the cover

Obviously we are not talking about a complex and interesting game, however. We are talking about an easy and forgettable game. Very easy. So easy that a 5-year-old would be bored. Then you can go and talk to prostitutes, kill innocent people and do things that of course are not suitable for 5-year-olds.

Tattoos can't disguise plucked eyebrows.

Why do you (I will try not to appeal Peter, that’s too typical) make an “adult” game in which the only thing you must do is to push the buttons you ask me to? Why the hardest thing I find in my first playing hours is to hold a button? Why all jobs work exactly the same way (an extremely easy way, just for a change)? Why you have you turned the menu in a big hall with a butler, and if you want to do ANYTHING you have to enter into another room? Why changing clothes is absurdly difficult? Why the main character of the cover is a handsome man and the default character you have to play with looks like a transsexual woman (this serves as a metaphor of the rest of the game, never judge a book by its cover)? Why can’t I carry a carrot AND a beer at the same time? Why do you think that hardening the fighting means to increase the number of enemies in an exaggerated way? Why if you die nothing happens, except a slight “XP” loss? Why have you eradicated everything that looked like RPG, like removing the skills improvement and the different types of experience? And I could go on for ages.